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The Official HDF Joke Thread

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Old 06-10-2019, 08:42 AM   #2221  
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Old 06-10-2019, 08:58 AM   #2222  
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Old 06-10-2019, 09:44 AM   #2223  
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Old 06-15-2019, 10:48 AM   #2224  
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A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the next race, and it won again.

The local newspaper read: PASTORíS ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local newspaper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTORíS ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is:

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Youíll be a lot happier and live longer!
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Old 06-16-2019, 08:30 AM   #2225  
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Old 06-16-2019, 12:35 PM   #2226  
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Old 06-16-2019, 06:13 PM   #2227  
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Old 06-17-2019, 08:45 AM   #2228  
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Old 06-18-2019, 05:44 PM   #2229  
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Old 06-18-2019, 07:53 PM   #2230  
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Old 06-19-2019, 07:46 AM   #2231  
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Old 06-22-2019, 12:50 PM   #2232  
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And need something else to occupy your thoughts...



♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldnít that be an even number?

♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ A recent study has found that woman who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? Thatís your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, ďHere, fill this out?Ē

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. Iím pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ Dennyís has a slogan, ďIf itís your birthday, the meal is on us.Ē If youíre in Dennyís and itís your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Iím pretty sure sheís going to get me something.

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ Money canít buy happiness but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
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Old 06-22-2019, 03:30 PM   #2233  
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