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The Official HDF Joke Thread

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Old 03-06-2019, 06:20 PM   #2146  
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I was asked by a friend of mine, "At your age what motivates you to get up in the mornings?"

My reply was, "My bladder mostly!"
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Old 03-07-2019, 08:21 PM   #2147  
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Old 03-11-2019, 11:37 AM   #2148  
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Old 03-11-2019, 07:38 PM   #2149  
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Old 03-14-2019, 08:48 PM   #2150  
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Old 03-15-2019, 05:16 PM   #2151  
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Went in for a medical check-up doctor said is ok but he warned me that "Wine, women and song will kill me", ......so I decided to give up singing.
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Old 03-16-2019, 01:24 PM   #2152  
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Four old guys are walking down a street. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents."
They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen? “There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.
In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred, and says, "That's 10 cents each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please.“
They pay 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally, one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"
"I'm a retired tailor from Tampa," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, Liquor, beer it's all the same."
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired people from New York. They’re waiting for Happy Hour, drinks are half-price.
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Old 03-16-2019, 07:08 PM   #2153  
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Old 03-18-2019, 02:45 PM   #2154  
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Old 03-18-2019, 02:51 PM   #2155  
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Old 03-20-2019, 06:32 AM   #2156  
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