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The Official HDF Joke Thread

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Old 10-27-2018, 02:49 PM   #2011  
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An 83 year old British gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. Has he was fumbling in his bag for his passport a stern French lady asked if he had been to France before. He admitted that he had indeed been previously.

The lady sarcastically said, "Then you should know to have your passport out and waiting sir."

The gentleman said, "I didn't have to show it last time."

"Impossible!" the woman said. "You British have always had to show your passport to get through here!"

The man responded by whispering, "Well, when I came ashore on the beach on D-Day in 1944, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to!"
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Old 11-01-2018, 07:29 AM   #2012  
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Old 11-04-2018, 02:16 PM   #2013  
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If it's cold outside and I see you driving with your windows rolled half way down and you are not smoking......

I will assume you farted!
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Old 11-05-2018, 07:53 PM   #2014  
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Old 11-16-2018, 07:38 AM   #2015  
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I went to the grocery store earlier and an older lady was standing in front of me. Her food came up to $300 but her food stamp card was declined. You can probably guess what I did. GOD is going to truly bless me one day. 🙏🙏🙏

It was a lot of groceries but I helped her put every single piece back...
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Old 11-16-2018, 10:27 AM   #2016  
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Old 11-18-2018, 07:35 AM   #2017  
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Old 11-18-2018, 08:02 AM   #2018  
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Old 11-19-2018, 08:04 AM   #2019  
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Sometimes I wonder what my grandchildren are going to tell their kids.

Maybe it will go like this,"It was so rough back in my day I didn't get a phone 'till 4th grade and sometimes the Wi-Fi didn't always work."
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Old 11-19-2018, 08:23 AM   #2020  
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Just think if the Indians gave the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey we would all be having a piece of ass this Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-19-2018, 03:47 PM   #2021  
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The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer. So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, “Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community?”



The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, “First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?”



Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, “Uh… No, I didn’t know that.”

“Secondly,” says the lawyer, “Did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?”



The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.



“Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?”



The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”



And the lawyer says, “So, if I didn’t give any money to them, what makes you think I’d give any to you.”
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Old 11-21-2018, 01:03 AM   #2022  
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Old 11-21-2018, 01:16 AM   #2023  
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Old 11-22-2018, 07:27 AM   #2024  
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English teacher: Give me the opposite of this sentence: "Children in the dark make mistakes."

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."
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Old 11-22-2018, 07:58 AM   #2025  
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