High Def Forum - Your High Definition Community & High Definition Resource

Go Back   High Def Forum - Your High Definition Community & High Definition Resource > Off Topic Discussion > No Topic Forum
Rules HDTV Forum Gallery LINK TO US! RSS - High Def Forum AddThis Feed Button AddThis Social Bookmark Button Groups

No Topic Forum Please keep it clean and no politics. RSS - No Topic Forum

Like Tree531Likes

The Official HDF Joke Thread

Reply
AddThis Social Bookmark Button
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-07-2018, 10:36 AM   #1921
Administrator
 
rbinck's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Katy, Texas
Posts: 16,786
Default

Whe you buy a cured ham, do you ever wonder what it had?
rbinck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2018, 05:55 PM   #1922
Muscle Cars Forever!
 
Lee Stewart's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 45,665
Default

Lee Stewart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2018, 11:58 AM   #1923
HDF SUPER-MODERATOR
 
ImRizzo's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Brooklyn & LI,NY ..not a Place, it's an Attitude, *I'm Mixing up a fresh pitcher of KoolAid
Posts: 23,071
Default

Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough.

After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looked at her and said, "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shook her head no.

Then he asked, "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman began to turn blue and shook her head no.

The hillbilly walked over to the woman, lifted up her dress, yanked down her drawers, and quickly gave her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman was so shocked that she had a violent spasm, and the obstruction flew out of her mouth. As she began to breathe again, the Hillbilly walked slowly back to his table.

His partner said,
"Ya know, I'd heerd of that thar 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"
__________________
*
LG OLED-55B6P~Oppo UDP203~Sony XBR929~Denon3311CI~Mirage Omnisat V2 Spks w/S10SW~DVP5000~Harmony1100

ImRizzo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2018, 05:59 PM   #1924
Administrator
 
rbinck's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Katy, Texas
Posts: 16,786
Default

My wife isn't fragile like a flower.

She is fragile like a bomb.
rbinck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2018, 11:50 AM   #1925
Muscle Cars Forever!
 
Lee Stewart's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 45,665
Default

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give more than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!
Lee Stewart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2018, 12:31 PM   #1926
Muscle Cars Forever!
 
Lee Stewart's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 45,665
Default

Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day, and both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven

The Angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”

The Angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”

The Angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately stated: "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”

Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and got admitted to Heaven!

Could you explain that to me?”

"Sorry, Stormy," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are!"
Lee Stewart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2018, 09:14 PM   #1927
Muscle Cars Forever!
 
Lee Stewart's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 45,665
Default

A man hires a hooker and they go back to his house. The man says I have never had a 69 before. The hooker says okay lets try that. they get into position and she farts. the hooker says o i'm sorry, i don't know whats gotten into me. she goes into the bathroom to freshen up. she comes out and gets into position and again she farts. she says sorry i don/t know whats gotten into me.let me go freshen up . she gets into position again and she farts she says sorry let me go freshen up. The man says don't worry i don't want 67 more of those
Lee Stewart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 06:26 AM   #1928
Administrator
 
rbinck's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Katy, Texas
Posts: 16,786
Default

ImRizzo likes this.
rbinck is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Go Back   High Def Forum - Your High Definition Community & High Definition Resource > Off Topic Discussion > No Topic Forum
AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads to The Official HDF Joke Thread
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Bedroom TV Advice... Factor6 Rear-Projection TVs 27 09-26-2005 06:49 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:05 PM.



Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright 2004 - 2008, High Def Forum