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Old 06-06-2018, 07:54 AM   #1876
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Old 06-07-2018, 06:39 AM   #1877
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I have come to the conclusion that buying craft supplies and using them are two separate hobbies.
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Old 06-08-2018, 05:31 AM   #1878
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Old 06-08-2018, 05:32 AM   #1879
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Old 06-08-2018, 05:35 AM   #1880
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Old 06-08-2018, 10:12 AM   #1881
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Old 06-08-2018, 05:58 PM   #1882
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So. you’re looking for humor at a funeral?

This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral. A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life........

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm so sorry ... I was just thinking of my own funeral ... I'm a gynecologist!
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Old 06-09-2018, 08:24 AM   #1883
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhqYmM3pQXQ
+ YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.
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Old 06-09-2018, 01:31 PM   #1884
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Old 06-10-2018, 07:39 PM   #1885
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An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"
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Old 06-10-2018, 07:40 PM   #1886
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A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"
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Old 06-10-2018, 07:41 PM   #1887
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Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”
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Old 06-10-2018, 07:41 PM   #1888
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
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Old 06-14-2018, 11:49 AM   #1889
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A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your
note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.

Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said,
"No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

Wait for it

The blonde said,
"No, just up to my tits ...
I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
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Old 06-15-2018, 03:49 PM   #1890
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One day a man went golfing. On the fourth tee he was separated from his friends momentarily, and bumped into a passing demon.



"Hey," said the demon, "how'd you like to make this one a hole in one?"



"What's the catch?" said the man suspiciously.



"It shortens your sex life by five years." replied the demon.



"Hmmm . . . okay," said the man, and went on to make a spectacular shot, a hole in one, just as ordered.



On the next tee, he again bumped into the demon. "How'd you like to make it two holes-in-one simultaneously?" said the demon. "It's only been done five times in the history of golf."



"What's the payback this time?" said the man.



"Shortens your sex life by another twenty years." said the demon.



"I guess," agreed the man, and again made an amazing shot. All his friends were amazed and people were coming from miles to see him play . . . two holes- in-one in the same game!



On the next hole, the man again bumped into the demon, who proposed yet again. "Look, another hole-in-one would mean three in a row. It's never been done in the history of the world! C'mon!"



"No problem," said the man, agreeing. "What do I gotta give up this time? "



"You may never touch a person of the opposite sex ever again for the rest of your life." said the demon.



"Okay!" said the man, and again hit a hole-in-one.



And that's how Father Hoolihan got into the Guinness Book of Records!
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