A letter to Santa

**ImRizzo** · 12-11-2012, 04:37 PM

Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, are fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas.I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas, Timmy Jones

Dear Timmy,Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with. Merry Christmas, Santa Claus

Mr. Claus, Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite? Respectfully, Tim Jones

Mr. Jones, While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days. Very Truly Yours, S Claus

Now look here Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attemptingto be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat butt and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN! T-Bone

Listen Pizza Face, Seriously, you think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your crap wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your butt and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia. S Clizzy

Dear Santa, Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything. Timmy

Timmy, That's what I thought, you little shit. Santa

jkkyler · 12-12-2012, 07:45 AM

GLOW · 12-15-2012, 12:54 PM

The whole exchange was funny but the gangsta santa letter killed me-

Quote:

Originally Posted by Santa Rizz

Listen Pizza Face, Seriously, you think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your crap wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your butt and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia. S Clizzy

oblioman · 12-24-2012, 03:58 PM

I shit meself.

**ImRizzo** · 12-24-2012, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oblioman

I shit meself.

too much info, happy Christmas to you sir.

johns70 · 01-05-2013, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oblioman

I shit meself.

Did I miss something ?

**ImRizzo** · 01-06-2013, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johns70

Did I miss something ?

Read Op

Mahaqui · 02-04-2013, 10:57 PM

Nice...

Hooreta · 02-22-2013, 02:10 AM

interesting,

joay vanis · 04-22-2013, 11:34 PM

really funny letter.....

12-11-2012, 04:37 PM	#1
ImRizzo HDF SUPER MODERATOR Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Formerly: Brooklyn, New York .... It's not a place, it's an Attitude and a State of Mind !! Posts: 19,192	A letter to Santa Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, are fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas.I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas, Timmy Jones Dear Timmy,Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with. Merry Christmas, Santa Claus Mr. Claus, Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite? Respectfully, Tim Jones Mr. Jones, While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days. Very Truly Yours, S Claus Now look here Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attemptingto be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat butt and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN! T-Bone Listen Pizza Face, Seriously, you think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your crap wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your butt and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia. S Clizzy Dear Santa, Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything. Timmy Timmy, That's what I thought, you little shit. Santa oblioman and GLOW like this. __________________ ..................................... PFC5 & Loves2Watch ~ RIP

12-12-2012, 07:45 AM	#2
jkkyler I bleed for HD Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Ohio Posts: 7,663	__________________ HT- Panasonic TH-50PZ800U 1080p plasma, Panasonic PT-AX200u LCD projector, Elite Vmax Electric 100' screen, Onkyo TX-NR905 AVR, Paradigm Titan Monitor v5 fronts, Paradigm CC-190 v6 center, Paradigm Atom Monitors v5 surrounds(x4), HSU research VTF-2 sub, xbox360+hd-dvd player ,Sony BDP-S550 blu-ray, D*tv H21 HD-DVR Bedroom: Insignia NS-lcd26, Samsung BDP-1400 blu-ray Den - Vizio 20" 1080p LCD + Samsung BD-p1600 Don't believe everything you read on the internet - Albert Einstein

12-24-2012, 03:58 PM	#4
oblioman Every day is Friday Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Hooooterville Posts: 9,243	I shit meself. __________________ MEMPHIS ROCKS

02-04-2013, 10:57 PM	#8
Mahaqui My plasma is High Def. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: California Posts: 6	A letter to Santa Nice...

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