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A letter to Santa

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Old 12-11-2012, 04:37 PM   #1
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Default A letter to Santa

Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, are fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas.I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas, Timmy Jones



Dear Timmy,Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with. Merry Christmas, Santa Claus



Mr. Claus, Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite? Respectfully, Tim Jones



Mr. Jones, While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days. Very Truly Yours, S Claus



Now look here Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attemptingto be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat butt and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN! T-Bone



Listen Pizza Face, Seriously, you think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your crap wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your butt and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia. S Clizzy



Dear Santa, Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything. Timmy



Timmy, That's what I thought, you little shit. Santa
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:45 AM   #2
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Old 12-15-2012, 12:54 PM   #3
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The whole exchange was funny but the gangsta santa letter killed me-

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Rizz
Listen Pizza Face, Seriously, you think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your crap wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your butt and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia. S Clizzy
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Old 12-24-2012, 03:58 PM   #4
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I shit meself.
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:15 PM   #5
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I shit meself.
too much info, happy Christmas to you sir.
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Old 01-05-2013, 10:54 PM   #6
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I shit meself.


Did I miss something ?

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Old 01-06-2013, 07:38 AM   #7
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Did I miss something ?

Read Op
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Old 02-04-2013, 10:57 PM   #8
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Nice...
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Old 02-22-2013, 02:10 AM   #9
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interesting,
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