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Old 08-20-2010, 07:20 PM   #121
High Definition is the definition of life.
 
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Originally Posted by cracker34 View Post
Sobay's cool!
Yes, he's real cool..

He's the coolest cat in town..

You sound like your sweet just like him...
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Old 08-20-2010, 07:32 PM   #122
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http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/6967107/# Click on the vid that's titled Friday night.
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Old 08-20-2010, 07:40 PM   #123
High Definition is the definition of life.
 
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http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/6967107/# Click on the vid that's titled Friday night.
Hehehe.. Still making movies I see. lol


I had fun making the few I did too..
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Old 08-20-2010, 07:59 PM   #124
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hello fellow bar hoppers.
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Old 08-20-2010, 08:08 PM   #125
High Definition is the definition of life.
 
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hello fellow bar hoppers.
oh shit, he's back...
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Old 08-20-2010, 08:09 PM   #126
How can anyone watch standard def?
 

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hello fellow bar hoppers.
What up? I lost my ID!!! LOL
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Old 08-20-2010, 08:09 PM   #127
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I need my Pinoy update.

A cracker would be nice...heck even getting beat down by you would feel good.
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Old 08-20-2010, 08:10 PM   #128
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oh shit, he's back...
House, do you know?
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Old 08-20-2010, 08:15 PM   #129
High Definition is the definition of life.
 
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House, do you know?
I know....
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Old 08-20-2010, 08:43 PM   #130
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hey we now have three bars to go to....

http://www./showthread.php?129-JUNKIES-TAVERN

High Def Bar & Grill

http://www.highdefforum.com/gaming-systems/116216-gaming-bar-grill.html


this is too cool.......there should be hooka bars in the back of each bar....
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Old 08-21-2010, 02:32 AM   #131
I'm here for the lulz
 
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Dammit House! Nobody has seen the carnage you can unleash on me over here.

I had to open up a new bar. The other place is under repairs or something? I dunno.

Anyways, how's that rack of lamb coming along jerkface?
Lamb... bleck... taste like dog. No I'm not kidding.
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DAM!!!!

Sounds like Master P has his hands full..
Indeed I do... and my mind... and a heavy heart. More on that later.
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Old 08-21-2010, 04:55 AM   #132
I'm here for the lulz
 
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I need my Pinoy update.
Well here ya go. I've had a couple of shots so I'm a bit open to tell the tale as much as I can. And I told CKone I would so here goes. Please keep in mind that I have never told anybody this over the course of 16 years... not even my best friend I've know since I was 5 years old, he's only recently learning of all this.



You ready for a romance story? I'll try and keep it somewhat short, informative, and readable.


When I was almost 16 years old I got a girl pregnant (not the same girl we're talking about here) and yeah I knew I was screwed... Unfortunately this girl and my child were both killed by a drunk driver on Christmas eve 3 months after. I was destroyed, never told my parents about the child... only the girl. To this day I don't even remember her name... only that it happened. There is nothing I can do about this.

I began to fuck up in school, started screwing around experimenting with drugs... stupid shit. One day my father looked at me and said "you're flunking out of school. Oh well, you're probably too stupid to finish even high school anyways". Of course I got pissed and decided to prove him wrong.

I ended up in Washington state living with my Uncle Len (a role model of a man to this day) and enrolled in two high schools to catch up and graduate on time. It was my mission in life at the time.

While there I made friends, typical high school stuff ya know? And I met a girl, a girl who started as a friend. We had a little circle of friends, but she was always special to me. Yeah I was dating another girl at the time that I didn't particularly care for. I started to fall in love with this girl, found one day talking to her that she would never judge me and that meant everything to me. I knew I was leaving Washington after I was done with school, and I knew I could not date her. See... I knew if I did she'd go back to Cali with me no questions asked, and felt that I would not be able to provide for her, or that I was even worth her time. I thought I would fuck her life up.

I knew she loved me. My buddy Sam who was dating her knew it too.. even talked to me about it once and wasn't angry which was pretty out of character for him. We went on this way for quite awhile... me and her holding the hand of people that were good friends, but not exactly in love with.

A few days before I had to leave it all came up one day at her house... I don't know how I worked up the courage but I took that girl and kissed her, long and good. Even grabbed a bit, but backed down in defeat at the end. And then I left her house, left the state, left her. I just about died inside leaving her, told my buddy to take care of her as I would.

<takes shot>

I get back to Cali wallowing in sadness, try to party my brains out, fuck everything I can get my dick into. And then my buddy Sam shows up in Cali... Of course I'm confused, he's supposed to be taking care of her! Time goes by, a few weeks and I find out he got another girl pregnant and was running away from her. His brother and I physically put him back on a plane to handle his shit.

I then realized I fucked up and ran back to Washington for this girl.
Couldn't find her. She was gone, her sister was gone... All I knew was she probably went back to Idaho somewhere.

I return to Cali, just broken. I get into even more drug abuse and irrational behavior. One day I go to my parents house who were in the middle of a divorce and find a letter to me from the girl. In it she tells me she was pregnant and getting married... wanted me to walk her down the aisle and give her away, and there was a phone number in it too. I call her... and try my best to pretend I'm happy for her, and yes of course I'll come out and do that.

After that call I went berserk.
Any drug I could get my hands on.
Anything I shouldn't have done I did.
I became a pariah to my friends, family, anybody or anything that cared about me or mattered just didn't anymore.

Every girl I dated went through absolute fucking hell because I became a possessive, controlling asswipe high off my ass trying to wipe the memory of what I had done... I also met my future wife at this time, high on an extreme dose of LSD mixed with a good amount of meth and alcohol.

Taking another shot now... cheers fella's.

Well... needless to say I achieve what I was aiming for. A lot of my memory of the times in Washington are blocked out literally. I remember snippets, often without color... sometimes just images or feelings, a lot with nothing there. To this day I do not remember one single teacher at either high school I attended. And I do not mean I don't remember their name or what they looked like. I do not remember them even being there, like they were completely insignificant to me past giving me work to do.

I go on with life, a destructive man. The girl I finally started dating, or rather controlling, begins to help me out of being the piece of shit I had become. Eventually I start to come around, losing my bad evil ways piece by piece... A lot of bad things still happen during this time, I do a lot of things I won't mention. I spend a lot of time locked up or doing dirt. Finally I begin to come out of that mindset and get my head straight. The cost: I forced my wife to be a timid, meek, needy, clingy, unable to do anything without me woman. During this time I searched for the girl, but I couldn't find her. My wife is a great girl, a great mother... but she could have been much more if I had not destroyed her ability to interact with other people because of my need to control, my inability to cope with being on the 'losing' side of a relationship.

Eventually I get my head straight... my wife is still the monster I created, dependent on me in every way. My buddy Sam that dated her? He becomes a bounty hunter, and in typical fashion blows his own fucking head off with his own shot gun on accident. My wife and I get married, have a child, and seem to be the perfect couple that every one admires for sticking it out together and such... little do they know that I made it that way. I'm a horrible man for that.

On to the girls side of the story. Mind you I don't know everything here, and somethings I have left out in respect to her wishes.

My buddy Sam takes her back to Idaho, and leaves her. She begins dating a man, get's pregnant. The man tells her either abort the baby or marry him, she doesn't believe in abortion. She marries him of course, sends me that letter I talked about already. Then she finds he's an abusive asswipe. She writes me and I call her, she acts like everything is good knowing it's not hoping I'll pick up on it. Hopes I'll come out to give her away and realize how bad of a situation she's in and whisk her away. Of course you know what I did after that phone call...

Now with a child with the man, finding herself on the regular side of horrible beatings she writes me again, and again, and again hoping I'll save her. Every letter comes back return to sender, my parents house had been sold, I was in jail or gone out of my mind. I never got those letters. She rips the letters to shreds angry feeling like I didn't want her, didn't care... which of course isn't true, I never got those letters. She still has those shredded letters in a box to this day.

Her life goes on. The man continues to beat her. Forces 2 more children on her... does unspeakable evil to her that even now she will not tell me because she's afraid of what it will do to me or what I'll do in revenge. He ruptures her ears, damages her brain... she's deaf in one ear and needs an aid in the other to hear. And she still holds on to hope that I'll come and rescue her. And I never do.

Eventually she builds up and frees herself of the man. Marries a friend who will protect her and keep her safe. Tells him that she does love him as a friend, but that he's not 'the one' she'll spend her life with. That was little over four years ago, right about the time I got my head on straight and married my wife. She keeps searching for me, even comes out to california looking around where my parent lived when she wrote me so many years ago, just recently in fact.

Life goes on for both of us for the last four years. Her looking for me to see what happened... me looking for her not knowing what the hell I wanted.

Then I change the name on the facebook account I had just to see other's insanity on there because my aunt on my fathers side found me somehow... and lo and behold who's name shows up in a friend request... Wait the last name is different.

I'm shocked.
My heart is pounding.
I don't believe it... and in my paranoid state I begin to question her who she was to make sure. It's her, she knows things that only her and I would know. They're all the right answers.

One more shot fella's... Cheers and please don't mind the smoke!

So we begin to talk, in messaging at first because I don't have the balls to call her, just like I didn't have the balls back in the day to take her with me, to tell her how I felt, to acknowledge I knew how she felt. I tell my wife about her, tell her it's more of a friend from back then that I have an unfulfilled promise to, that we should go out to Idaho and so I can keep that promise to walk her down the aisle as she renews her vows.

My wife immediately picks up that I loved this girl enough to let her go, and is disturbed... says she can't go to watch me walk some girl I loved before her down the aisle when we haven't had that chance ourselves, but I can if I need to. I know that's BS, and she'll be in a murderous rage if I say 'okay thanks honey I'm gonna go walk this girl down the aisle now'. I play it off.

It takes me days to work up the courage to call her and actually talk to her.

As soon as I hear her voice... that slight country accent... it's a sexy twang... the way she talks... I'm melting. My heart is literally ripping out of my chest. She writes me back after that phone call... tells me I got no idea what just hearing my voice did to her, little does she know what it did to me. She doesn't make a move on me yet... but I know how she's feeling, I'm feeling the same way. I feel like a teen again, like I have a chance at something I fucked off before. Something important.

We start to talk more, in earnest. She's the same girl at heart, been through hell but I know her... same loving girl... doesn't judge me when I tell her what a monster I had become after her, or all the shit I had done.

It goes on... and I speak for both of us when I say that we began falling back in love again. Yeah I feel conflicted because of my kid and wife, only now I start to realize what I have done to create them. How I shaped my wife, how I forced the situation.

This time we aren't scared, not feeling like we're not worth the other. That "the rules" fucked us out of our chance before because we followed them... and decide to say fuck the rules. The rules don't make sense, they didn't back then, they don't now. And we're not going to follow them, at least take a chance at what we never did before... and we'll go from there.

I'll tell you guys something: I love this girl.
I always have.
I always will.
It doesn't make sense... but it is what it is.

I destroyed my mind, my life, my connection to my family over losing her once. I won't do it again.

Even if it turns out to be just an affair, if my wife finds out and hates me... if I have to go through hell to take care of my son and her due to what I've made my wife I won't do it. I love her that much, she's a perfect girl for me... and not the little doll I made my wife to be.

How could a girl who practically grew up in a junkyard, works on cars, is independent, killed a freaking elk with a bow and will never ever judge me for anything I've done... on top of waiting and searching for me for 16 years not be the perfect girl? She's kept everything of me for all that time, even the letters she's ripped to shreds. Told her husband to be that I'd be back and when I did he's gotta go... She's even got the ring I picked up on the side of the road and gave to her back then, it only fit on her thumb. I had to clean it off by spitting on it and wiping it down for her.

It was the first ring anyone had ever given her.
I gave her the first ring she's ever had...
I plan on giving her the last ring she'll ever get.

I'd be crazy to not think this girl loves me. We play 20 (200) questions... they're all the right answers. It's beyond a perfect match up, and we're not talking OMG you're so hot I wanna fuck you kinda matchup...



So there you go guys. That's the story, well most of it anyways. I know it's a long read and I'm sorry I didn't make too readable.

I'll be honest: I've been crying my eyes out before the halfway point of writing this. It's taken me some time, I never talked about it to anyone till recently... maybe this being a forum makes it easier, and I have an easier time expressing myself in words than in speech.

But it's the God honest truth as much as I can relate.

And yeah I feel guilt, remorse, a lot of emotions have come out recently. I understand now why I became a controlling asshole. I understand when and why I stopped being a romantic and covered it with a layer of cold logic... and that has all come undone.

I don't know how I'm going to do this... I made a commitment to take care of my son, and I can't let my wife go into the street unable to take care of herself or him... but I cannot let go of this chance at retribution. You know I don't believe in the typical version of God and such... but sometimes I feel like this is all my punishment for making a stupid choice back then. I could have avoided fucking myself up. I could have stopped this girl that I love from going through hell.

I could have been a man. I wasn't.
And it screwed more than just me.

So here I am... with an agreement with her to let me take care of my end of things, to understand when I have to play the role of the perfect husband. And to bide our time and wait for our day in the sun.

Judge me if you want. I don't care. I know I'm a horrible man for what I'm going to do, I know I'm a wicked man for what I have done... but it's our story, and we're going to decide the ending one way or another.


You guys want a picture of the girl that I would walk through hell for? She said okay, though for some reason she doesn't like the picture...




There she is... No makeup, just her. The same eyes that I loved as before just with no glasses... the ones that left my soul bare and I couldn't dare to look into without betraying how I really felt.

They'll be mine, one way or another. And just so you know yeah I'm going to tell her I posted this here, I'll give her the link even. It's free for her to look at, even create an account and smack you fools for doubting love.

MJ. I love you Gorgeous, I hope you see this


I'm gonna get off my soapbox now guys. I've finished a half pint of jack, laid my soul bare, told of things I've never said until now...

What a start for a bar and grill. You're welcome Sobay.
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Old 08-21-2010, 05:03 AM   #133
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And the oddest coincidence ever? as soon as I hit post she wakes up and messages me... and so does my favorite aunt who is residing where we first met.

I don't believe in luck...
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Old 08-21-2010, 07:40 AM   #134
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Wow, Pinoy. You get deeper and deeper. That's a hell of a story, and t wasn't difficult to read at all, at least for me. Everyone has their vices, and everyone have their regrets. I feel for your situation, even if I can't relate. From the sound of it, truthfully, that would be a movie I would watch. And I'm not big on dramas, but based in reality they can be gratifying. I hope all turns out the best for all that's involved, I really do. The only thing you can do is follow your gut instinct, which may or may not be the popular choice. Hey, we are always here to help people vent, that's for sure.
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:04 AM   #135
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Pinoy, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to write that out. There are so many people around here that I consider good friends and that I talk to on a daily basis. When I first read about what you were doing, I became intrigued in what you would actually do and disgusted by what you were doing. Now that I have read your story, there is such a greater understanding about how you've ended up in the situation you are in now.

Once you are in a marriage, that high school giddy love slowly matures into a different feeling of love. It's hard to understand, but for the most part you settle into a way of life and all those butterflies and stuff go away. It doesn't mean your marriage is bad, it's just how love evolves I suppose.

I get what you're doing now, Pinoy. I really do.

Thanks for posting the picture of Idaho. It's just great to match a face with who you are talking about. My five year old daughter looked over my shoulder as I was reading your post and she said, "Who is that?" I said, "It's my friends girlfriend." She said, "Oh, well she is beautiful."

Hope our hangover is not too bad today.
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